In a bold mid-day assault, a team of commandos from the Acorn Liberation Front, the militant wing of the Squirrel Union, has successfully staged what appears to be the biggest attack yet upon bird feeders in the vicinity. A coordinated effort against the "Squirrel-B-Gone" feeder has left it weakened and vulnerable. Forensics experts are reviewing the debris but preliminary indications are that gnawing on the top where it fits into the feeder base caused a disconnect, plummeting the base to the ground and spilling hundreds of valuable black oil sunflower seeds upon the ground. A team of fattened seed hoarders descended upon the scene before authorities arrived, plundering as much as they could before the site was secured. Despite the recent successes of the ALF, additional anti-squirrel resources have been diverted and most seeds have been recovered from the ground and placed into a new feeder with a screw-on top. Bird Spokesman "Blue" Jay McFlutter described the scene as "a tragic loss" and called for a squadron of hawks to be mobilized to deal with the threat. Unfortunately, the hawks did not arrive on time and instead a herd of loud children arrived on the scene to keep the squirrels away. Jumpy Jones, ALF Press Secretary had no comment, as his mouth was full of stolen sunflower seeds.
I am pleased to report that a third bunny has been spotted this morning working alongside Agriculture Commissioner Zelgadis Junior and his sidekick, Bugs Junior. At present, there are no photographs of the trio together. But, that is bound to change as time goes by. The third worker in the Agriculture Commission has been named Baby George, in honor of George, the mascot of the Devonshire Monkey Festival, which is held today.
And, on behalf of all of my constituents in the Principality of Devonshire, I wish everyone a happy day today and hope all will join us in the Monkey Festival.
Several initiatives and other noteworthy accomplishments of the 2009 State Visit will be announced soon. Be looking for them both here, the Schulmania homepage, and the Schulmania thread on Simtropolis.
I am pleased to report the safe return of the full Schulmania delegation to Schulmauckland. They will be resting before presenting their final reports and recommendations. Welcome home, delegates!
Tomorrow, the delegation from Schulmania departs for Schulmauckland. Best wishes to the team for a safe and successful journey.
I am pleased to report the citizen who was bitten by the snake has received proper medical attention and is recovering nicely at home. He will still need a few days before he is back on his feet again.
I am concerned about one of our citizens who was bitten by a copperhead snake today. The Schulmania Medical Corps has taken the canine Schulminion, who lives across the street, to the vet for treatment. The offending snake was dispatched by a 5-iron by a vigilant citizen. The victim is expected to make a full recovery.
From coast to coast, anticipation is mounting in Schulmania as the day of the Schulmauckland State Visit draws near. I hear it will be chilly... so no fur shedding for me!
...which looked exactly like a silhouette of a shark with a smile on. Now, isn't that intriguing?
I regret that, due to my ongoing recovery and treatment for hyperthyroidism, I am unable to ake the journey with Archduke Bower and FCapt Splunt on their historic state visit later this month. I wish them well and godspeed.